[This link was originally on Sankaku Complex. While I will capitalize the name I won’t link to it for reasons you’d know if you go there. Anyways, this article is worth reading because of its insanity. The following, unfortunately, really happened.]
This is why we must kill all Super Saiyans
A court has ordered the parents of a boy who accidentally kicked a ball into the street to pay nearly $200,000 in compensation after he, in the court’s view, caused the death of an 87-year-old motorcyclist who fell off his bike in an effort to avoid the ball, breaking his leg and later going senile only to die over a year later as a result of an infection stemming from a feeding accident.
According to the Osaka district court, the incident began in 2004 (Japanese link) at a public elementary school in Ehime prefecture, where pupils were practising their football skills by making practice free kicks at a goal.
One fifth year elementary student made a kick which went high, going over the goal posts and into the street beyond. There, it so happened that an 86-year-old man was driving down the street on a bike, and swerved to avoid the ball, crashing and breaking his leg.
He survived, but became senile soon after, and then died some 15 months after the accident as a result of pneumonia contracted after some food accidentally became lodged in his windpipe.
5 members of the man’s bereaved family decided to sue the boy for causing his death, demanding ¥50,000,000. As the boy was a minor at the time of the accident (he is now 19), he could not be held legally responsible, but his parents could, and so the family sued them instead.
In their defence, the boy’s side argued “nothing illegal occurred as he was just normally kicking the ball at the goal.”
The court was having none of it – the judge’s verdict was that “he could have predicted the ball would land in the street and cause an accident,” though he did at least stop short of ordering him to pay compensation, saying “the boy was a youth and bears no legal responsibility for the accident, but his parents do have a duty to pay compensation.”
Accepting that the dead man’s life was drastically altered by his encounter with the stray football, the court ordered the parents to pay up to the family, but reasoned that as the man already had neurological problems prior to the incident they would only have to pay ¥15,000,000 of the ¥50,000,000 demanded of them.
Such a fine example of jurisprudence has not escaped criticism:
“Don’t they normally put up nets around these places?”
“The issue is not the kid, it’s the lack of safety nets.”
“Shouldn’t this responsibility lie with the school which didn’t bother to put nets up and could have predicted the ball would land in the street themselves?”
“If they can sue anyone it’s the school, not the parents!”
“Couldn’t they sue the school and city?”
“Asking 50,000,000 for an 87-year-old man who died as an indirect result of an accident seems a bit much.”
“This old guy was driving a bike at 87? And they sue the boy’s parents? What kind of Japanese are they?”
“Poor parents, suddenly plunged in debt like that.”
“It seems a bit odd that they are attributing his death by misfeeding to this…”
“All ball games in Japan are going to get banned as a result of this, no doubt.”
“Common sense would tell you to expect balls flying out of schools occasionally.”
“Anyone with a car or bike must predict that they could encounter a ball like that. Doesn’t anyone in the court have a driving license?”
“So this 86-year-old man with a known neurological condition was riding a motorcycle around a school?”
“This poor kid and his family have been left worrying about this stuff throughout his childhood for the last 7 years, with no end in sight if they continue to fight the ruling.”
“This verdict is nuts.”
“If he had died right there it might be justifiable.”
“Don’t steal a child’s future for the sake of a dead 87-year-old.”
“I wonder if the bereaved family will be satisfied now the school has banned all ball games?”
“Remember: when you kick a ball you might cause an old man to fall off his bike, go senile and have to be nursed only to be misfed and die.”
So I, uhhhh, was walking my dog earlier this month when I was accosted by three non-non-Japanese women. Usually when something like this happens I expect someone to lose a face or a couple toes (and I expect that person to not be me), but this time I was dealt a harsh, but light, blow in the form of a RELIGIOUS FLYER.
After receiving it I immediately ran home and blacked out. After lying on the floor in a near coma for a week, subsisting on nothing but doggie love, I woke up and started to translate what I was given so that I might spread the message in a way similar to cancer or AIDS. What I have below is the front side of what the gods want to tell you.
I’ll translate some of the back later, but I need to go into a coma again before I can do that.
It took a long time to reach this moment, but it’s finally here. What I have for you is no (much) less than 9 minutes in heaven. Enjoy, and watch out for samurai who scour foreign lands for people just like you.
I know this isn’t really related to Japan at all, however since it’s related to teaching and includes many interesting ideas I recommend you watch it. If you’re a teacher/educator why don’t you give these (or something similar) a go? You know, for the shire and all that.
For any language, when you listen to a foreign language that you don’t understand you sometimes hear words in your own language. There’s a word for that in Japanese, soramimi (空耳). Through my Sunbook travels I have found some words that could be considered the English equivalent of soramimi. I present some of those to you now.
At some point in the past I did something where I went somewhere to take somethings of stuff. I’d tell you more, but then I’d have to make a futile attempt at fatally wounding you; this, quite obviously, would put me in a large pickle. Who wants to stand next to someone who tried to perform an afterlife-enhancing technique on them? No one, probably. We’re getting way off topic.
Well, I guess I can tell you a little without having to resort to useless violence. There are these places in Japan that were former ninja lairs while at the same time being a regular town – i.e. hidden while simultaneously not hiding, one of the many secrets of pajama wearers. Since you’ve read this far without punching me (or my fake cockatiel) in the face I don’t see any problem telling you the name of the place I went, Iga.
If you ask Japanese people if ninjas don’t exist anymore they’ll look at you like you’re a moron and give you one of those condescending pats on the head. However, don’t let this fool you, fool, you think they’d actually spill the beans? In the land of rice? Never. Not only are ninjas all around you, but they love to just hang around in the strangest of places for no good goddamn reason. You’d know more about this, but they only show themselves in April and May in Iga. Your first impression might be to fear for your life, don’t. What you are feeling is the little samurai that lives inside each and every one of us. They will feel mighty at times, but not around ninjas.
Although it’s unknown if it’s known or unknown, dogs are sometimes said to be ninjas – dogjas in ninsguise. Nonetheless, there are dog cafes in existence within the city limits of Iga and they sell things in quantities! Although I was emotionally famished just walking through the door I still had enough strength to order a energy revitalizing piece of cake. Unfortunately, before I had the chance to take a bite of it a dangerous, hairy, and extremely small ninja came out of nowhere and ordered me to hand it over in nindog. I acquiesced to its request but ever so reluctantly to show it that I only did so because my training is not that great.
Even as I was giving up and devising a way to get back to my land of ninja-less honey, I had realized that I was being tracked the entire time. Luckily, my brain reappeared (also a ninja) and my newly thunked plan to remove me from my quandary worked like a tchotchke. Seeing as how I’m typing this I’m safe and everything is back to … ninja ninja ninja.
You. Mothers. Of. Truckers. The level of shit I’ve had to deal with because of you bastards is far too high. Yes, an earthquake that causes that tsunami that then subsequently causes a nuclear quandary is quite bad and seriously alarming. Nonetheless you managed to take the fear and sensationalism to new goddamn heights. I hear SpaceX would like to use your abilities to help make personal space flight a reality. But hey, maybe younzes westerners don’t know that your media was riding the fumes of high ratings and you were taking all claims at face value; I can only slightly blame the citizenry when pretty much any type of media (sans part of the ‘net) you’d use would give you the exact same scare garbage. So what, actually, are those non-eastern information-telling people doing wrong?
Before we get to that here’s some stuff to read/watch:
All read up now, you big-nosed, gundam-loving fiends? Without having to go into depth about what is fucked up about the US/UK media (easily a 400 page book), let’s just take a look at the headlines and crazy shit said by newscasters, headlines, and the those that were brought on to discuss the incident. Let’s start with the easily most egregious example, The Sun. Now you could say “That’s not fair!”, but, sorry, I don’t give a shit. Highlighting the worst gives us a better view of how far the average viewpoint spread will be. Below is one of their headlines after the earthquake.
Let it all sink in, all the bullshit, fearmongering, and lack of knowledge. They write turgid articles such as that one and this one which, even if you neither read nor subscribe to the less-than-bathroom-reading quality rag, can affect any passerby that sees a shocking headline such as those.
What about the other papers and new stations? How about ABC. They had Michio Kaku come on to Good Morning America to talk about the nuclear power plant. Although he’s of Japanese descent that’s not why they brought him on the show, it’s because he’s a physicist; the problem is that he’s a theoretical physicist, which has fuckall to do with nuclear reactors. Besides that, he goes on to say that this could be worse than Chernobyl and that we should just dump sand and concrete on it. If you think this could be worse than Chernobyl or that dumping sand and then concrete on these would be a good idea you really need to read more about nuclear power plants, second generation nuclear reactors, and what actual nuclear engineers are saying and recommending.
It’s shit like this that causes people to worry much more than they should. News stations should be telling us what is likely to happen but for various reasons western coverage of events comes down to the most horrible and unlikely being described with a short paragraph about the actual situation. They almost made up for bring on Mr. Kaku by showing this clip. However, they just couldn’t help themselves and they had to throw in some worst case scenarios because, like most western media, they’re sluts for chaos and horrible, but interesting, situations.
The effects of this type of reporting can be seen in the following two clips.
No one outside of the eastern seaboard of NE Japan is in any real danger and yet you have people running around in California trying to buy iodine pills and worried parents calling their children (300 miles away from harm) in western Japan. How are any of those people informed? What useful information have they learned that they could put to use? None. Maybe if Fallout wasn’t just a game they’d have a use for iodine pills, but I doubt the Chinese are going to actually cause the world to turn into a nuclear wasteland.
They’re just being “realistic”.
Another thing I don’t understand is that within the reporting no one is bringing up the fact that the United States detonated atomic bombs in the pacific and took radiation samples afterwards. Since these tests were done to the east of Japan and the fallout didn’t hit mainland why aren’t the newsmedia quelling these retarded fears? They’re doing even more harm by just blurting out numbers with no baseline and thus no possibility for comparison.
Then again, the western news media is correct. Just look at this horrible footage from Tokyo.
All of you should know that there has been a very large earthquake in northeastern Japan. There’s no reason to go over what everyone knows so I don’t plan on doing that (but if you’ve really been that ignorant of the news just go look it all up on google). Since I’m also quite far away from both the nuclear situation (500km) as well as the original earthquake (farther than 500km) there isn’t really much for me to say personally. The ways in which I’ve been affected are few – a canceled trip to Tokyo and people asking if everything is OK.
The day of the quake I took my dog to the doctor because she was having trouble keeping food down (she’s fine now). I usually go to Japanese class on Friday mornings, but after waking up to a glob of red fluid and a (still) happy dog I thought it best to head straight to the vet and skip class. Later on in the day when I’m wasting time before class starts I suddenly feel slightly dizzy (apparently that was a common reaction in the Mie area). At the time I had no clue that this was actually an earthquake since earthquakes are associated with more jerky movements, not a lazy back and forth for 15 seconds; 20 minutes later I then realize the situation at hand. On the Japan side of things that’s it (so far).
Given my basically pointless account of events, I feel that some perspective would be a good idea. Gakuranman has an extremely detailed list of events as they happened here and here
If you feel like you want to give, please do. However, I feel that money would be better spent helping somewhere else that can’t help themselves as well as Japan can.