Chase the Gaijin

Le Petit Harakiri 3: Reenvigorize Your Magic Powers

Today must be video day. So you want to pretend you can use firaga or ultima? Watch below and you can see what it’s like to regain magic points.

You wouldn’t know it, but the Japanese have a name for every nothing that never existed, ever.

I haven’t gotten around to mentioning this yet and I found this video which gives some detail about the situation. I won’t tell you what it’s about so just go ahead and watch the video to find out for yourself.

Hey baby, wanna take off that kimono so that we can do another “first”? Great, put on this bib and make me a steak.

The new year in Japan, like many other places, brings with it a clean slate of sorts; January is the time for firsts and renewed chances. In some countries that might be the first kiss, a promise to change oneself, the time to really decide if Tim in accounting really needs a baseball bat to the face, one more time to take on those nasty dirty gay urges you’ve been having the world. In Japan, those things aren’t highlighted nearly as much, but it definitely is a time for firsts.

The kanji 初 (はつ) means first and if you’re in Japan in January it’s likely you’ll hear it a lot. Some of them you might find obvious, so don’t hit me with your fist (or any other thing that’s hard). Also, make sure you append “of/for the year” to the end of each of these so I don’t have to write the same thing over and over again, it doesn’t look good from a design standpoint.

初音 (hatsune) – First sound
初空 (hatsusora) – First sky
初日 (hatsuhi) – First sunrise
初夢 (hatsuyume) – First dream
初姿 (hatsusugata) – First time wearing kimono
初湯 (hatsuyu) – First bath
初売り (hatsuuri) – First time selling goods
初釜 (hatsugama) – First tea ceremony
初詣 (hatsumode) – First temple visit
初場所 (hastubasho) – First sumo match
初花 (hatsuhana) – First blooming flower

There are other firsts that happen throughout the year, but pretty much all of the big ones happen in January, sometimes you’ll do many at the same time. Out of all of the firsts listed, the biggest/most important one is definitely hatsumode. Most Japanese people have their first temple visit within the first few days of the new year. In the Mie area, many people make their first temple visit of the year at Ise shrine because well, read about it.

The Ise Grand Shrine in Japan (which is actually a series of over 100 shrines) is the most sacred shrine in Japan. It is dedicated to Amaterasu (the Sun goddess) and has been in existence since 4BC. The main shrine is alleged to hold the most important item in Japan’s imperial history: the Naikū (the mirror from Japanese mythology which eventually ended up in the hands of the first emperors). The shrine is demolished and rebuilt every 20 years in keeping with the Shinto idea of death and rebirth (the next rebuilding will be in 2013). This ranks very high on the list of places you will never go because the only person who can enter is the priest or priestess and he must be a member of the Japanese imperial family. So unless we have a Japanese prince or princess reading the site, no one here will ever see anything more than the thatched roof of the Ise Grand Shrine.

I, being ever so Japanese, have not been to a shrine at all this year (even though it’s almost the second month of the year). I blame it on laziness, but it could always be some demi-god who wants to hold me down and keep me from reaching my true potential. I guess we’ll never know without the help of the Japanese ghostbusters.

The real reason why they’re talking over me is because they’re trying to hide the truth. Don’t let them get to you!

So sometime ago I went to the Mie International Festival. It was on a Sunday and I didn’t have much to do and I thought it might be interesting. Well, while I was there I was interviewed by an online news organization for the brazilian speakers of Japan. If you know Portuguese (or just want to watch the video) then you can watch it here (I can’t embed it, sorry).

I’ll try in the future to be interviewed by other groups of people so that I can show you me, for the benefit of all.

I wonder what award they think they’re going to win? I hope the scientists don’t have an upset victory with their plan to bomb the Earth’s core.

January is really gunning to be earthquake month of the year which, while being a big accomplishment this early in the year, isn’t making people around the world very happy. It’s been a long time, but January (17th to be exact) is also home to the anniversary of the Kobe earthquake. It might make you feel old, but it’s been 15 years since that happened. Since it’s a big anniversary they had a large candle ceremony in the square in downtown Kobe. It was a low key event, but it (obviously) got lots of news coverage.

Even though Japan is much better planned for earthquakes there was lots of preventable damage that occurred during the Kobe earthquake. You would have thought that the even would have caused people to make some obvious changes (bury power lines), but unfortunately that hasn’t happened. They have made transportation routes safer, but for some reason they refuse to acknowledge the glaring defect.

For Haiti, Kobe, and everywhere else that has been hit by an earthquake in January let’s shake our tables in remembrance.

When they referred to the action as “hot” they meant that it was warmed significantly by a nearby convection heater. The sadness on the faces of those otaku destroyed the lives of 46 nonexistent anime characters.

I’m guessing that a lot of you have heard of No Impact Man? Well he put up a guest post (by Sean Sakamoto) about winters in Japan. It’s a good read since everyone that’s no Japanese that comes to visit/live during the winter will say “They don’t have central heating?!?” and then go on to lament for hours.

As I doubt that this website is going to remove old articles you can just go to the website to read it. If you want to see more then go to Sean’s website.

I’ll probably write something similar to what he already wrote once all of you forget (sometime next month) what was written in this article.

So this isn’t celebrating their first time wearing a robot exoskeleton? You mean the internet lied to me?!

Recently 成人の日 (せいじんのひ, Coming of age day) happened. This year it occurred on the 11th of January (it’s always the second monday of January) and I sat there doing nothing. Nothing! This holiday/event, which I will probably never experience until I kidnap and raise a Japanese child is a commemoration of teenagers reaching adulthood. It’s not very exciting since it’s just an acknowledgement for young adults, but there have been some people who want to make the ceremony more interesting.
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You know, this would’ve never happened if I had used my stealth canine missile. I’ll remember next time.

So I’m back in the saddle with my sassy Tallahassee lassie, but it wasn’t exactly easy to get back. There were good times, there were bad times, there were times it rained sadness. Yes, chil’run, gather ’round the spittin’ cup ’cause it’s story time.

So as you might maybe possibly know, I now have my dogguns in Japan. The process is long, difficult and, if you don’t do it right, could lead to pent up frustration with little chance of release. I got the shots that she needed as well as the requisite shots, I waited the necessary 180 days, and I informed the airport of the coming meatfluff. After finishing my vacation in freedomville (it was wonderful), I boarded the plane with one dog sized set of organs (rest of the dog included for free!).
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Master Japanese in a mere 37,960,000 days. Lesson 20: I’m going to be laying down some carpet this weekend, if you know what I mean.

I have some free time while I’m fattening myself up in the ol’ stars and stripes so I thought I might write a little. I believe I’ve mentioned earlier that I really like my hot carpet so I thought I might give you some sentences using carpet-y words. We have ホットカーペット (hot carpet), じゅうたん (carpet), シーツ (sheets), 布団 (ふとん, futon), and 敷く (しく、lay down/out, spread out, impose). The verb works the same as in English (e.g. “lay down the law”), but I’m not sure if you can use pipe with this verb.

ステーパフトのせいで大統領は憲法を一時停止し、戒厳令を敷きました。
ステーパフトのせいでだいとうりょうはけんぽうをいちじていしし、かいげんれいしきました。
Due to Stay Puft the Marshmallow Man the President suspended the constitution and imposed martial law.

ホットカーペットを床に敷いて、ホットカーペットに横になった。
ホットカーペットをゆかにしいて、ホットカーペットによこになった。
I laid down the hot carpet and then I laid down on it.

オタク町への道は痛みと恥が敷かれてる。
オタクまちへのみちはいたみとはじがしかれてる。
The road to Otakuville is paved with pain and embarrassment.

布団の上にシーツを敷くべきだけどポストモダン主義者だからしない。
ふとんのうえにシーツをしくべきだけどポストモダンしゅぎしゃだからしない。
You’re supposed to put the sheet over the futon but postmodernists don’t do that.

Now you best be imposin’ these words, but not too much or you’ll get cramps.

Oh no. What’s that warm sensation in my crotchal area? I thought I was over this.

So you guys know about electric blankets, right? Well, they have something in Japan called a hot carpet. Somewhere in between a hot carl and hot celtic league action, a hot carpet works the same way that an electric blanket does, it’s just on the floor.
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