Chase the Gaijin

I would love to invite you into my house for a nice cup of hot green tea, but a Russian sailor looted my house last week so I can’t let you inside. Who know how many sailors could be hiding in your coat.

Being in Japan I tend to read Japan-related articles on the websites that I visit. Over time I started to notice that there was usually a comment or two (or 17) mentioning that Japan is a racist society. No mention of any other country or even a reason why it was important to make such as remark in the comments of an article whose only connection is the country. These types of comments seem to be championed by a mostly white American crowd (Here’s someone who agrees). Please be aware that I’m not saying that these types of comments are only done by English-speaking North Americans, I don’t speak enough languages to be able to give you my opinion on what the citizens of other countries think about Japan.

In the next three or four big posts I’m going to talk about different parts of this very complex subject. Here’s part one.

Read the rest of this entry »

Pictures from the island asylum 15: This is how Japanese people clean a story after doing some muckraking.

These papers are dripping… with enthusiasm.

Japanese people have found the formula to turn anything cute. Apparently it involves a very large mouth and a non-existant nose.

Since the Japanese Olympic team was much better than last time I guess the news programs decided that they have to do more than just the minimum. For some reason, for NHK this means using their mascots on the news programs. I’m guessing all of you know about Domo-kun? NHK also has another mascot that isn’t really known about in other countries (because it’s a boring character), Usaji. Well, the two of them went on broadcast TV and, err, helped report the news. Here’s a video documenting the devastation:

Pictures from the island asylum 14: This is horrible! There are entire countries whose populace seems to have the job of wearing clothes so that they can then send them overseas to be worn by enterprising Asians. Is there anything we can do to stop this madness??

This picture isn’t very interesting without hearing the story behind it.

Clothes with something in English written on them are still pretty popular here. The sentences might make more sense than what they would have even just 5 years ago, especially since there are import shops that sell shirts that were originally made for an English speaking country. So while the words/sentences themselves might not be incorrect the situation in which the shirt is worn or, in this case, the contrast with the person who is wearing the shirt causes you to laugh.

For this one it was partly because of the name (it’s an area near where I grew up) coupled with the kid, he’s a boy. So, yeah, who would’ve expected that I, being in Japan, would see a coat from a region where I grew up on a young Japanese boy? The chances of that are so low that it must have not happened.

He’s hiding somewhere under that huge coat.

This is no time for thinking about existential issues, son. What we have here is a situation that can only be overcome by a person that has trained all their lives to become large and, if they have it in them, also in charge.

I think you all know of one of the major sports in Japan, mostly naked men grabbing each other and trying to get the other on the ground. Is it unexpected that this love could only be contained in large areas surrounded by tourists and other large, naked man lovers? Sadly, one of the great almost-nudes has decided to rejoin the land of the clothed. We welcome you back Asashoryu.

So what happened? Read the rest of this entry »

You just don’t get it man, he put on the jacket the wrong way! It goes right, left. RIGHT, LEFT; there’s no other way, man, that’s it.

In Japan you see lots of posters of politicians; not ads/posters for a politician, but a picture of the politician (just usually the face) and a, usually bland, phrase. Because these politicians rarely wear a smile they aren’t something that ever catches your eye. Here are some examples of what I’m talking about.

Did you know that they each sleep with life-size pillow versions of each other?

So anyways, they’re not very exciting. However, recently there has been one that makes me all excited and happy in my special place next to my bile duct. I don’t particularly care for the person involved (normal boring Japanese politician type), but even though the poster only does a couple things differently it gives the poster a completely different feel. Tell me what you think.

Dance number!

It’s an action shot! I guess when all of your posters are incredibly boring making one that is only just a little bit different. I was actually very disappointed when I first saw him on TV and learned that he’s not as interesting as his sexy dressing procedure makes him out to be. Maybe, with time, he will live up to the man-beast that resides in the poster. Then again, it could just be a fluke and the posters will go back to being bland and lifeless headshots.

Did you know that a Japanese person never sleeps the same way twice? I didn’t believe it at first until I saw video evidence.

So, as you’ll see in the video, I have a new thingy doodle. The important part of the video isn’t the electronic gadget that I bought but the things that came with it, eco points. I have to spend these on something and there are many good ideas in the catalog that they gave me. I listed most of them in the poll that you should be able to see on the right. If you don’t think I should just get one then vote for multiple items. Now go watch and then vote.

By the way, the tv (Toshiba Regza R9000) seems to be a Japanese only model.

My preferred method of studying is to write creepy love letters to idols and see if they get a restraining order against me. How about you?

For those of you that have been reading this blog longer than you should have, you might remember that I took the JLPT level 3 test back in December of 2007. Well, last December I took the next level (2). The results arrived sometime last week and it looks like I was sent someone elses paper because this one says that I passed and that’s not possible.

I put on brownface and got an Indian immigrant to take the test for me. I should have paid him less.

Maybe this is an “I’m sorry we don’t share our interesting statistics, sorry” present, but I can’t be sure since it didn’t say that on the envelope. Nevertheless, I have now reached a level that very few whiteys and zero weeaboos will ever reach. I will now pretend for the next 10 minutes or so that I am important.

Le Petit Harakiri 3: Reenvigorize Your Magic Powers

Today must be video day. So you want to pretend you can use firaga or ultima? Watch below and you can see what it’s like to regain magic points.

You wouldn’t know it, but the Japanese have a name for every nothing that never existed, ever.

I haven’t gotten around to mentioning this yet and I found this video which gives some detail about the situation. I won’t tell you what it’s about so just go ahead and watch the video to find out for yourself.