People have no idea what is important in this world anymore. We need to get back to the basics: stop the zombie revolution and kill Jesus Christ, the zombie king

Here’s where I give you a fuckle of Japanese Christmas stuff. Whee Christmas. Go capitalism.

First order of business. Christmas cake! Is this a tradition with anyone? It’s not just in Japan, but I never really experienced it for myself in America. Maybe it’s because my family hates my happiness (lie). Maybe it’s because although I grew up near fields, I was never near a field of cakes (those fields are in Candyland).

So what is Christmas cake? Retard zombies could guess and be at least half correct. It’s cake! With strawberries. THAT’S IT. They don’t infuse it with giant robots or anything to make your eyes bigger than your gall bladder… unfortunately. Yeah, so it’s nothing special. That’s too bad.

This cake destroys your taste buds with happiness

Second item of the day. Pre Christmas celebrations. This really isn’t that much different from what any of you are used to. You might see lights or hear Christmas songs. It’s pretty much the exact same capitalistic orgy that can be found in any country that celebrates Christmas nowadays. However things get different when you get to Christmas Eve.

Third thing that I will exclaim. Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. Christmas eve is a time for couples. It’s supposed to be romantic or something. They eat dinner and sex and maybe something else. Cute.

And then Christmas comes. But it means nothing here. Christmas day is just another day. No exchanging presents, no day off work, you can go out and do whatever, no tradition (yet). Some people might exchange gifts, but if they do it’s probably because of some sneaky foreigner trying to subvert Japan (the revolution will come rapped in a bow).

Christmas in Japan is some odd makeshift version that combines the slutty legs of Paris Hilton (capitalism) and the wonderfulness of Charlotte Church (Christmas Cake and…. more cake). There’s not much decorating and trees really only go up in malls or other public areas.

You get free clones when you come to Japan. This is my clone.

Christmas might become popular in the future, but for now it’s just for romance and a way for store to try to make some more money.