Pt 2: Be the nail that sticks up? Get your ass hammered down.
So Tatemae, a thing that one can debate that merits of in daily common life, is not really something that should be implemented on a grand scale. Is this it? No, not really. I don’t think that just this could create the situation of complacency about some of the goings on in Japan. The other big one that’s not seen in some other places? The uniformity.
The uniformity in Japan is (now) self imposed uniformity, which works well for keeping the system going. Japan wasn’t always like this, but in the race to become a highly developed country, it ultimately became this. The effects, in some ways, have been quite helpful to Japan, but in many ways have been harmful. These harmful effects shine more brightly now that Japan has become quite industrialized and the boom years have ended. The best place to see the effects of this uniformity is in school.
You probably know something about Japanese schools: uniforms. Japan adopted uniforms a while ago for it’s students (and in some cases, teachers as well). The male uniform is reminiscent of the old Prussian uniform, a black uniform with brass buttons on the shirt. Females are probably more well known for their sailor suits and skirt (the length of the skirt varies from school to school). It’s only uniforms. These have been shown to have benefits such as decreasing school violence. I have no problems with uniforms, but it’s necessary to point out as it’s part of the uniformity.
Japanese schools don’t just make the kids wear a uniform. If they did that I wouldn’t be writing this. The dress code in the Japanese school system is strict and unforgiving. Although the rules do vary slightly, you can find such rules as: you cannot dye your hair, you must wear your hair a certain way, you cannot wear anything in your hair, you must wear certain shoes, you must wear certain socks, or you must wear your uniform outside of school. Still, not too bad; just enforcing the rules.
What if you’re different? What if you don’t quite fit in? What if you lived overseas for a while? What if your families background isn’t considered normal (but you try your damnedest to fit in)? You’re pretty much fucked. There’s a good chance that you’ll get the shit kicked out of you by some students, other students won’t lend you a hand, and the teachers (for the most part) purposefully look the other way. The teachers either pull a Limbaugh or just look the other way.
This shit is now institutional. You have to fit in, it’s essential. Being different in a Japanese school can kill you. This forced uniformity in schools by students and teachers has lead to a number of bad side effects. Some students just flat out refuse to go to school and there are always those that decided to take the extreme choice, suicide. So you have to look and act the same, more or less, but there’s still much more uniformity in the Japanese school system.
Pretty much every school in Japan teaches the exact same thing. Same books, similar teaching methods, similar high school and college entrance exam requirements. Oh, and no focus on independent thought. This is the most damaging. Learning in a Japanese school is all about cramming as much shit as you can into that big grouping of axons and dendrites in your head. Most of your education is spent with rote memorization. There’s so much memorization needed on the entrance exams that the school can’t even teach it all. A majority of the students go to juku, cram school, where they learn everything that the school didn’t have time to teach.
Do they need all of this rote memorization? Of course not. Does it help them? Maybe, but not too much. What students need to learn in this day and age is the opposite. Globalization and high level tech jobs, i.e. the future, has no need for memorization. You need to be able to apply concepts and think on your feet. This is not emphasized and this is where the Japanese school system truly hurts it’s students, 12 yrs of school and no critical thinking.
But, you say, what about university? What about it? University in Japan is not the same thing as in the West. Actually, it’s different than almost everywhere. You learn very little in school and mostly take it easy for four years. Fun? I’d hope so. It gives the Japanese youth a time to unwind, but it’s still a horrible idea. And, of course, it’s full of uniformity.
You remembered everything? Good. Go to Tokyo University and be like one group of people (politicians and high level jobs).
You remembered a lot? Go here and be like this group of people.
You remembered a little? Go here and be like this other group of people.
You don’t want to go to university? Get a job and be like everyone else.
In some ways it’s almost too easy to stereotype.

I had a few japanese friends who complained about the whole conformity/uniformity thing. They didn’t act stereotypical towards me though. I never was around them when they were with their own friends, but I think they probably acted a lot differently, more like what you described.
I know I have friends that I can be myself with, and others that I must put on a face for.