Your freedom index is directly correlated with how many cars your country has.

I sometimes wonder if there is someone who came from Europe or Asia and moved to the US to do studies much like Jane Goodall, watching Americans from the treetops or from behind a water cooler. It could be happening right now, but I wouldn’t know as I’m one of those dumb chimpanzees being watched. Anyways, if you really want to be shocked/interested about the things that happen in Jesusland you have to actually leave an airport to get the desired effect.

I’d never work with monkeys if it wasn’t for the fact that I’m surrounded by them.

Ruling out New York City, Chicago, Boston, Seattle, Portland, DC (to some degree) and maybe San Francisco, you immediately realize that to do anything that requires you to leave your residence will likely require you to use a vehicle, if you have one. Grocery store? Drive. Visit a friend? Drive. Go shopping? Drive. Work? There’s that car thing again. Yes, there are circumstances where one of these things might be possible for someone, but, just as the level 3 Wizard of Anecdotes always loses to the level 47 Demon of Obvious Truth, if you’re outside of the handful of exceptions you have little choice.

However, it’s not just the fact that you will most likely need to ride in a car, but that everything is so far away from everything else. It might seem like I’m repeating myself here, but there is a slight difference in the two points; the former relates to the lack of available or decent mass transportation and the latter is that the distance between building/places makes walking untenable in most places. Those living across one of the ponds that flank us on either side, even if they have one, probably don’t have to use a car if they feel like they want to leave their house.

There are a few of reasons why things are like this over here, cheap dinosaur juice, Mamie‘s baby’s daddy, and the American wet dream. I think the first one is self explanatory enough and in and of itself doesn’t produce a transportation system like the one found in the US. Eisenhower’s plan did have a huge effect on the development of not only the transportation system of “the city on the hill” but also led to an increase of the development of suburbs, which is also related to the third point. Lots of people in the US need to have lots of land, but I don’t know why they want it. I think that a lot of people must get some kind of orgasmic feeling from cutting the grass since you hardly see anyone do anything else with their yards. I’m not so sure about the orgasmic feeling though, I’ve never felt it and I think it’s because of some defect on my part. Nonetheless, we’ve had this hunger to have lots of land and be far away from each other for a long time. Maybe we’re land zombies?

Drink it up, that’s real dino tendon.

And seeing that this is the land of the comb over eagle, we can’t really have a good mass transportation system as that’s socialist (but the government using taxes to makes roads somehow isn’t) and anti-American so we all must drive 30 minutes to go to the mall and over an hour to get to work, for freedom.