スーパー玉出 (Super Tamade)

The lesser known power ranger combination consisting of just red and yellow.
Fights justice with questionable meats.

No matter where you go, supermarkets tend to be very region specific and Japan is no different in that regard. However, there isn’t any other supermarkets that I’ve been to that is quite like Super Tamade. When you go to a store that specializes in groceries you usually don’t have a very exciting experience, they’re all created quite similar even if you might prefer one place’s wares more than another. Before you even enter a Super Tamade you are visually assaulted with its presence (some more than others); not only does it have a color scheme that’s been turned up to 12 (when 11 is just not enough) but it also makes you wonder if you’re actually going to enter a grocery store or just a pachinko parlor conveniently modeled to look like a supermarket. Someone seems to think that attaching a couple thousand flashing lights and some neon will get people to buy broccoli. I doubt it works but just the act of a place like this existing is almost enough of a reason to buy a ticket to come see it in person.

And there’s more inside. They’ve managed to do things that physicists have classified as impossible, taking the seediness of Osaka and Yakuza and combining it with a supermarket; there are insane bargains on food in the middle of a huge city, 1 yen items when you buy a certain yen amount of goods, and making sure the customers don’t forget that the outside of the store is probably taken from a run down gambling joint (i.e. neon lights inside as well). These things don’t always come as easy as you might (not?) think; they show their seediness mostly by their seemingly non-existant return policy and the higher chance of getting iffy meats. But this doesn’t mean that it’s somewhere you should avoid at all costs; (for those living in Osaka) you can save a lot of money by shopping at the big yellow and red sign of hot dog topping justice, just be careful.

I like my women like I like my specials, exploding.

Jankara (or Jumbo Karaoke)
While it’s quite tame compared to Super Tamade and not very different from other large-scale karaoke joints, it’s surprising how quickly you can go from a place with a cubic crapton of these karaoke boxes to a place without one in a 100 km radius. If you happen to be living in any of the main cities in Kansai (Osaka, Kyoto, Kobe, Nara) you’d most likely guess that this chain is national, from Sapporo down to Nagasaki, and you’d be extremely wrong. I don’t know why they haven’t made their way to any other large close city (Nagoya). Maybe they feel the market is saturated?

Cheap Izakayas (like Torikizoku)
An Izakaya (居酒屋) is basically a Japanese pub. There’s probably no place in Japan that doesn’t have a couple izakayas but none seem to be as cheap as some of the regional places around Osaka. A normal izakaya will have basically the same things as these places but at regular prices, 350 yen and up for food and 450+ for drinks. At the cheaper places in Osaka they’ll give you slightly smaller portions but they make literally everything on the menu 280 yen. This sounds both ridiculous and awesome at the same time – it is. I wish they had some here so I wouldn’t feel like I was getting ripped off with the usual chain izakaya prices.

I give you chocolate, you give me brown furry lovin’.

The biggest difference is that men don’t give any chocolate to anyone, even loved ones, on Valentine’s Day. Over here, the holiday is all about women giving chocolate, mostly, to me(n). This is not solely a holiday of celebrating love, it’s a holiday imported to spur the sale of chocolate, which is given liberally by women on this day. If you’re a woman, you have three basic categories of chocolate that you’ll give — 本命チョコ (honmei choko), 友チョコ (tomo choko), and 義理チョコ (giri choko).

Honmei choko is what you give to the one(s) you like/love, not much different than any others tradition; tomo choko is chocolate you give to your friends; and giri choko is what you give to people you have to give chocolate to, not because you’d like to. This is the other huge gaping divergence between Japanese Valentine’s Day and many other places. Your annoying boss gets chocolate. That creepy guy in your department that you never like to be around gets chocolate. The bordering-on-sex-offender asshole? Yeah, probably him too. It sounds annoying but it’s a nice gesture and since everyone knows that (unless they’re extremely naive) you don’t have to worry about mixed messages.

Ihavetogiveyouthiseventhoughyoudon’thaveanose.
Pleasedon’tlookatmeanymorethankyoubye.

Now this might seem like a raw deal for the ladies, but they get their returnuppance at a later date.

Although I mention with my flappy appendages that the chips aren’t that bad I should mention that I felt a little sick after finishing the bag.

Mochi is stick rice with an attitude so bad people feel the need to take up arms and beat it into a squishy, but tasty, pulp. After making it soft with a mallet of compliance, you grab your favorite Japanese topping (fish eyes for me), sprinkle some of it on and enjoy. If you’re eating mochi and there’s something else on/near it it’s probably one of Japan’s top 3 mochi toppings: anko (あんこ, red bean paste), kinako (きな粉, soybean flour), or oroshi (おろし, grated Japanese radish). If you don’t happen to find any of these as appealing toppings then you can use your blonde-haired western innovation and create new toppings. For a start, try honey or maple syrup.

This wailing on cantankerous rice usually occurs in December for one big reason, New Years. You might be surprised by this, but (contrary to what some people might think) Japan celebrates the beginning of a new year on January 1 and not how they do it in China; funny, no?

I lost the shell but I still have the leathery skin!

One of the main reasons they make and eat mochi at this time is to kill off a bunch of the older people in Japan, similar to Logan’s Run. They give them these tasty semi-small rice traps with the intent to kill and sometimes it works. However, you’re probably remembering that Japan has the highest average life-span (even though they have evil socialist trotskyite medicine) and now you’re trying to say that I’m wrong. No. The Japanese elderly are a crafty bunch; their doctor might say they’re going to give them a state of the art hip and actually give them 700g of gumption instead (it’s much cheaper) and yet those old people just won’t die.

Don’t go thinking that just because the younger generation is attempting to kill the oldies that there is a lot of animosity towards the youngies; they actually manage to have lots of fun while (most of the time) escaping from the clutches of squishy death. It’s all part of the circle of life and those old people know it.

You’re next, old man.

So what should you take away from this? Enjoy mochi, either the Japanese way or your own, and don’t grow old, ever. EVER.

Oh no, it’s a new and strange Pepsi flavor. What will I do? Is this video rated X? Will I have a special red-headed guest? You’ll just have to watch to find out.

Besides trying some new things, I talk about miso and the different kinds available.

For those of you that are unaware, Thanksgiving is an American holiday; hopefully I’m not really saying this to anybody. But, slightly coincidently, I managed to have a feast at almost the same time as many people in the U.S. Yes the food was very different – yakisoba (焼きそば) and some Japanese sweets – but does it really matter if it’s feastly and eaten beastly?

So one of my Japanese classes takes a week off every half year to take us all somewhere. This year, and also last year at approximately the same time, we went to a little park nestled in a part of the mountain range that separates 3-ply from Nara and Wakayama (和歌山). Just like last year we went on a small hike before eating like those crazy Americans.

To protect its citizens from unprovoked attacks, the Japanese government has put a restraining order on all slinkys.

Afterwards we made our way to (what was once a) castle. Unfortunately, since it wasn’t a castle anymore we were just able to enjoy the view and foliage. Both were very nice and extremely free, which is probably a good thing for a place that just has walls and trees.

Red, the color of Communis, Liberals, and other people whom I disagree with.

While it’s essentially nothing like a regular Thanksgiving day dinner, it was a very tasty (and cheap at 500 yen) lunch that included many windowless vistas. I would have liked “El Dog” to have been able to come with me, but the park decided that it hates animals, but at the same time wanted to save them.

Himitsu no Kenmin Show (from here on out I’ll just be calling it Kenmin Show) is, at it’s core, both an interesting fact filled journey about different prefectures in Japan and a lackluster TV show that goes on about the same thing for way too long. This might seem quite paradoxical to some as interesting and lackluster usually don’t go together in any way whatsoever, but we’ll get to that in time. First, since the show is usually separated into distinct sections, let’s discuss what a regular show might look like.

After the introduction of the show and special guests (usually 20 or so per show), the first “secret” (秘密, himitsu) of one of Japan’s 47 prefectures begins. The formula for this portion (roughly 1/3 of the entire episode) is, like some other parts of the episode, quite formulaic. They start out by talking about the region and naming a food product that everyone knows. Afterwards they will show some footage asking residents of the local area about said secret product, which at this point will show the audience that this is a special version of the stated food item. After this they’ll show the item in a supermarket or restaurant. In the supermarket version you’ll see the area where the product is but you won’t see the actual food, it’ll be covered up like this. They’ll then cut to a house that happens to be eating that particular food. Again, you won’t see anything as they’re just waiting for the commercial break to happen so that they can tell you afterwards. If you happen to be watching an episode with a product that’s bought in a restaurant then you’ll hear someone order the food and then you’ll watch them eat it. There will be a commercial, they’ll come back and give you too much commentary from the local populace and audience members, and then there will be a taste test.

Karikari curry complements crunchy carp.

The second section of the show is usually a couple of little items from a list of revolving topics: strange sayings, very popular local restaurants, surveys, Osaka secrets, and any new idea they might have that they’d like to test.

The last option, especially since this summer, is the never ending story of Kyoichiro (京一郎) and Harumi (はるみ). This is also highly formulaic even if it’s usually interesting; it consists of a two episode story revolving around a particular prefecture. The story in each prefecture is very cookie cutter, but it does a good job at getting across a lot of information in a very short amount of time while managing to create a story that follows the two main characters.

You should have a good grasp of how the show works by now so let’s talk about how the show performs. If you’re watching the show regularly you’re going to quickly notice the extreme regularity in their creation of each section of the show. The topic they’re discussing could be strange and shocking, but after watching over 10 episodes of the show you’ll stop caring about the buildup in the beginning of the episode and just jump ahead to the reveal after the first commercial break. This is probably a good idea, it’s what I do, since by the time they taste test whatever they were talking about you’ve probably already been watching for about 12-15 minutes.

The middle of the show is one of the best parts given it’s weekly change of both topics and presentation. However, some of their newer ideas (who’s the bigger user of X) haven’t been that great and mostly involved charts. I tend to not skip this part of the show, at least in comparison to the beginning.

I’d love to say the same lines in the other 46 prefectures, Kyoichiro-chan.

The story of the constantly moving couple can be interesting or lame depending on the prefecture they’re in at the time. Some areas just really aren’t that exciting and have nowhere near the amount of material to fill two 10 minute segments. While the information they’re showing you can be interesting during this part, the sameness that you get when watching it, even given the fact that they are likely in a very different area, really makes it hard to put up with it; if they keep going along using their cruise control filming a sheet of facts about the prefecture in question is going to start looking interesting in comparison.

That said, it can be enjoyable and interesting to learn how each area in Japan differs from others. While some people have complained about the way the show portrays and exaggerates some “secrets” I still find it worth recording, even if I rarely watch more than half.

(Click here to watch some clips of the show)

This video went on way longer than I thought it did. I’m trying different ways to introduce new foods/drinks and I feel that the way I did it in this video (talking about something else while experiencing the bev) is better (read: less boring) than the previous ones. That doesn’t mean that I won’t make any comments on what I’m drinking/eating, just that it’s not going to be the only thing talked about.

Something I forgot to mention in the video is that one of my students seems to think I look like one of the F1 racers. She told me about this last year and then reminded me again this week. When I told her that this guy doesn’t look like me that much she just said that it’s because of the eyes; her husband agrees with her. I don’t really see it but I thought I might as well show everyone and let you decide for yourselves.

Separated at birth only to unexpectedly bump into each other in the same small city in Japan.
What zany schemes will these two hatch?

Oh yeah, make sure you watch with captions on so you’ll get everything.

Hurrr, fire’s purty.

So what does it all mean? Why does a composition of metals and powder equal a beautiful display of sparks and how does the average Japanese person, an existentialist, incorporate this into their worldview? Although it might seem surprising to some, the displays of all of the festivals in Japan have the same meaning; fireworks are pretty. There really isn’t much more to it than that.

Now I’m not saying that Japanese people are dumb or shallow because they have festivals and shoot off fireworks for no other reason than that they’re fun/awesome/(positive adjective), just that they choose to do it for its own sake. There are times when they are used for a reason such as American Independence, Guy Fawkes Night, Canada Day, etc but a similar equivalent holiday in Japan (Founding of Japan Day, Feb 11, or Constitution Day, May 3) does not have any real celebration to accompany it. These holidays are low key events and everyone usually just celebrates having a day off and not the actual event. If there are fireworks somewhere it is because someone is having a festival with fireworks afterwards.

Right after this picture was taken we were all crushed by a massive 4×4 truck.

Ise city held their fireworks festival on the 17th of this month. I along with other scary and extremely dangerous white people went to go eat some overpriced food and watch things explode. Like many other festivals, people will come very early so they can put down a tarp and claim a spot for themselves and their family. If you don’t grab a spot early enough you’ll be stuck standing or all of the remaining spots are so bad that no one wants to take them. After you get a spot you’re going to need some food and a drink.

Food at a festival consists of the following: tomorokoshi (grilled corn), yakisoba, takoyaki (octopus pancake thingy), kakigori (shaved ice), fried chicken, okonomiyaki (Japanese pancakce thingy), and yakitori. I had chicken and yakisoba surrounded by a thin omelette, delicious, but dangerously so. Festival fare, be it food or drink, is somewhere from 300-500 yen (with the occasional deviation). This means that if you want a beer at a festival you’re going to pay 500 yen or, do the reasonable thing, go to the convenience store; anytime there’s a festival the closest convenience stores always make a killing, why buy one beer when you get 2 for the same price?

Can you find all the chikan in this picture?

The fireworks? Yeah, they were nice to see. And even though there isn’t anything that is being celebrated that doesn’t mean that one can’t have a party just because.