(“To be a good woman!”)

The two places I visited this time were Kashihara shrine (橿原神宮) and Horyu temple (法隆寺). Kashihara is a nice shrine, but quite boring. If it wasn’t for the year of the tiger stuff they have there (like in the picture above) I would have left quickly. This would have been very bad, for I would have missed something that would change my life, forever! I saw a newly married couple get their pictures taken which, per usual, made me want to hitch up with the next vertebrate that I met. What I didn’t know, to my dismay, is that I was the only being in Japan with a spine. Woe is me.

Horyu temple is old. Really old. Old old. Remember when you thought 20 was old? Well take that and make it a bigger number because this temple is older than that. Being one of the oldest wooden structures on the planet “The World” (a scary groupe) decided to designate Horyu as a good place for tourists to visit and take pictures (outside only, of course). Let’s say you would like to see pictures of the insides of the buildings or any of the relics. What you would need to do would be to purchase a plane ticket and get your large coccyx over here and look at them with your own eyes because that’s the only way it’s going to happen.

For the first day I was looking to go to 高野山 (Koyasan) but since I’m retarded I ended up at 御所市 (Gose city) where they have a tiny replica of a mountain, Mt Katsuragi (葛城山), intended to be used by small burrowing animals. I was already in the area so I decided I might as well play with the replica.

It was pretty far from the town center to the ropeway (2km or so) and since there’s approximately 1 bus per hour I decided I might as well walk; this was probably a good idea since I don’t get an opportunity to walk to places very often (and it showed). I took the ropeway up but I was scared the whole time, you never know when a fight will break out in those things.

There were some nice things at the top, but sadly I was a little too early for the majestic lustflower.

I found out that the residents of Gose are evil individuals that want to, and I quote, “Increase the suffering of all asses manyfold. For only then can the great reckoning come.” I think if it was up to them there wouldn’t be any seats on busses or trains.

Can you think of anything more evil than stealing benches? I can’t.

Actually, maybe I can think of something, not allowing people to kill non-human mammal they see is a crime in a league by itself. The horrors (like this) that have been wreaked on peoples by an uncaring government is almost too much to bear.

After spending some time looking at nothing much I made my way down the mountain just in thyme to take some pictures of ninjas fighting on top of a ropeway car. Alas, since they are ninjas they don’t show up in photographs due to their incredible speed. Let me say that it was a fierce battle with much guitar wailing.

These people must be cameramen or, at least, it sure seems like it. Many cameramen here seem to have very little patience. You always see them dramatically zooming in and out at something of minute importance during newscasts or on some report for a program. If you watch the news everyday, you’ll see it at least once a day, if not more. Then again, it could be something other than a complete lack of patience.

This feels like Final Destination 3…

There are many camera techniques that you can use when filming, you probably know some of them. Zoom, pan, scan, etc. Some of the techniques learned are not used that often, which can be a downer. It’s not difficult to think of a cameraman thinking, “Hey, I know how to pull off a pretty good follow shot. How about we do it in the next scene? It’s stupid of me to be so great and use so little of my skill. I mean, I spent so much money and time to learn all of this, shouldn’t I put it to use? At least to prove my worth to my realdolls.”

And it’s fine to think this, but you can’t just be throwing random camera techniques in for no reason at all, there’s absolutely no good reason for it. Example: The main character in n Deer Man (mentioned in a previous post) moves to Nara and climbs up to the top of Wakakusa mountain (若草 young grass). While he is gazing down at the city, the camera moves up while doing a vertigo effect (or dolly zoom). The problem with this is that there was absolutely no reason for it (this effect isn’t used often very much on purpose). It’s intended to give you a certain eerie emotional feeling, which could fit at a different time in the series, but at this point, things are quite happy and on the up and up. The camerawork here is working against the dialogue, music, and previous atmosphere. The scene in question feels odd for no good reason.

New camera. Zooooooooom. WHEEEEEE.

A third reason why there are so many odd cameramen in Japan is that they (or their bosses) suck at their jobs. Again, this could easily be true.

Who knows the reason, but when it happens it looks really amateurish and doesn’t really add anything (Look for yourself in this informative video about a woman who was absolved for crimes because her breasts were too big).

Another movie based on manga? Ha, you bitches ain’t got shit on me.

Japan does have a movie industry that has been making movies of variable quality for some time. It started out quite well with Akira Kurosawa, but towards the end of his career he was smearing the industry and accusing them of making mountains of shit on their dinnerplates (where the aliens would land) and then putting that on film. You could make the case that the reason he said stuff like this is because he was an old man and many old men are cranky fuckers. However, if you really look at what movies are made in Japan, even including Kurosawa’s perfectionism, you can see that he does have a point even if he was overstating his case just a bit.

Not saying that there aren’t any good Japanese movies these days, there are. Hayao Miyazaki consistently makes good films and, to some extent, Miike Takahasi, to give some examples. But given the number of films, you start to notice that it’s a sad state of affairs. Good instances of these affairs are easy to find, you don’t have to dig that deep.

Godzilla is one great example of one of the problems with the Japanese film industry. Now, it’s not that they have made a Godzilla movie, that’s fine. But then they went on to make 27 more. Now, I know that there are some franchises that have been beaten into the ground and are halfway through the mantle, but not to the point where there were 28 movies. Can anyone do anything interesting with a series after 28 iterations? What should the next one be about, “Godzilla takes Satan through the backdoor”? Then again, you can’t blame only the industry for doing nothing more than the same when the audience is clamouring for it.

Another problem in the film industry (everywhere and in everything really) is that they seem to hate taking any risks at all. Big projects like Death Note didn’t come to theaters until December of 06. It only covered half the series, which required it to have a sudden and senseless ending. That’s not really the problem though. The problem is that they always knew that the film was going to make money. That’s fine, of course, but this happens all the time in the Japanese film industry. The Juno’s, the Pi’s, the Waking Life’s, as rare as they are in American cinema, they are that much more rarer in the Japanese counterpart.

Coming soon to theaters: A decent story that you already have read.

Now I know that these problems aren’t just in Japan, they’re in all film industries around the globe. The thing about the Japanese film industry is the ratio. The ratio of good:shit is much lower than one would find in some other places. Japan needs to step out of it’s safe zone and make some films that push boundaries, make people question things, give a different angle on a common theme, show societal discrepancies, something. The best movies of Japan manage to find their way to all corners of the globe. Do you know of any other living Japanese director besides Miyazaki or Takahashi? Didn’t think so.

Note: There are some directors getting meta-success with their horror movies (Ring, Dark Water, The Grudge, etc), but an American remake of a Japanese movie is much different from a Japanese movie making inroads to the western market.

Fudo: “Better I think.”

Dr. Shirwetcz: “That’s good to hear. Have you been keeping your condition in check?”

Fudo: “Sorry Doc. I’ve been on a binge lately. But I’ll stop, I promise.”

Dr. Shirwetcz: (Sighs) “What did you do this time?”

Fudo: “Well…. my friend has been feeling bad recently. I told him that I could cleanse him to make him feel better.”

Dr. Shirwetcz: “Cleanse?”

Fudo: “Yeah. I got in my tree-house and swung around a big stick. I told my friend that this would make him feel clean again.”

Dr. Shirwetcz: “That’s a little odd, but I see nothing wrong with that. How does this have anything to do with your condition?”

Fudo: “Whoops. Forgot about that. The stick that I’m waving around……… is on fire.”

Dr. Shirwetcz: “Great mericiful tentacle monster! Why the hell did you do that?”

Fudo: “It’s not like I put the fiery stick of purification on him. I just shook it over him and some embers fell on him.”

Dr. Shirwetcz: “And this somehow makes it OK?”

Fudo: “Don’t yell at me, he’s the one that wanted cleansed.”

Dr. Shirwetcz: (muttering) “Why did I agree to take a pyro as a client? I should’ve listened to mother.” (/muttering) “Is your friend OK?”

Fudo: “Mostly. He’s purified, but he was wearing a polyester shirt. The ensuing fire melted the shirt to his skin. If only I was so lucky.”

Dr. Shirwetcz: “Oh my. How does he feel about this?”

Fudo: “He’s thankful. He said I have given his life direction. Maybe I should help more people by cleansing them.”

Dr. Shirwetcz: “I’m not so sure that would be a good idea. Remember what happened last time you tried to help someone?”

Fudo: “I was just trying to be efficient. Besides, Mrs. Nakamura didn’t tell me how to do the job, she just said to get rid of all the brush, so I did.”

Dr. Shirwetcz: “True, but you can’t just go around burning mountains to clear them of brush. Is your court date set?”

Fudo: “Not yet. I’ll find out Wednesday. Mrs. Nakamura always seems really upset. Maybe I should cleanse her too?”

Dr. Shirwetcz: “I’m not sure she would like that. Maybe you could just get get some chocolates instead?”

So I decide I’ll go to a park in Nara first, which there are tons of. I, of course, have no idea what I’m in for. You know how they have this animal in America called deer? Well, they’re in Japan as well, but Nara treats deer differently. In Nara, they roam free. The city basically decided to give them a free pass. The stupid ones run in front of cars and die, but the smart ones stay in the park (around people, not cars) and get to munch on all the treats that people give them.

Feed Me!

Of course, there’s stipulations that people have to follow around the deer, but I’m not Japanese so I don’t have to follow those stipulations. I know, I know. I really do have to follow the stipulations, but I have no freaking idea what these stipulations are. You think you could read them? Don’t answer that, ’cause you can’t read them. You can, however, laugh. That’s part of the reason you come to this blog anyways, right?

I think the best way to summarize the sign is in five words. Write these five words in lots of languages on one giant sign:

Don’t piss off the deer!

You don’t want to make deer angry. You wouldn’t like deer when they’re angry. No seriously, one deer gave me a really bad paper-cut; I almost cried.

So after having fun wrestling deer in the park and then getting arrested in the park, I decide to see more of Nara. For brevity, I will turn this next part into a montage (cue the montage music): I found out that Nara has a neat and really large marketplace, that scooters are really really cheap in Japan (the license and driving school you have to attend costs more), that you can find white people anywhere (all I have to do is look in a mirrror!), and I solidified my belief that 100 yen shops are the greatest shop ever. (end the montage music).

So cut to nighttime and, thus, the festival. It really looked like it was going to rain so I brought an umbrella. While doing this it must have looked like I was getting something to eat for the deer, ’cause they ambushed me. That was fun.

Of course, I had no idea what to do or where to go so I followed the crowds of Japanese people. This was a good idea and I actually made it to the festival. It was really neat, you should’ve been there (nooooo! I want to live in America with my Blackberry and my government job. No…. don’t get mad Sam. It was a joke. Now…. now…… calm down. Everything is OK. Just climb down from the roof and let’s talk about it.). Since you couldn’t make it, I give you this picture that doesn’t even come close to capturing the mood, fun, and other cool adjectives of the festival.

This picture is only worth 472 words. Ha.

Now that you are left sobbing in your cushy chair while I am writing this on a floor made of straw I bid you adieu.