Well, I guess I can tell you a little without having to resort to useless violence. There are these places in Japan that were former ninja lairs while at the same time being a regular town – i.e. hidden while simultaneously not hiding, one of the many secrets of pajama wearers. Since you’ve read this far without punching me (or my fake cockatiel) in the face I don’t see any problem telling you the name of the place I went, Iga.

If you ask Japanese people if ninjas don’t exist anymore they’ll look at you like you’re a moron and give you one of those condescending pats on the head. However, don’t let this fool you, fool, you think they’d actually spill the beans? In the land of rice? Never. Not only are ninjas all around you, but they love to just hang around in the strangest of places for no good goddamn reason. You’d know more about this, but they only show themselves in April and May in Iga. Your first impression might be to fear for your life, don’t. What you are feeling is the little samurai that lives inside each and every one of us. They will feel mighty at times, but not around ninjas.

Although it’s unknown if it’s known or unknown, dogs are sometimes said to be ninjas – dogjas in ninsguise. Nonetheless, there are dog cafes in existence within the city limits of Iga and they sell things in quantities! Although I was emotionally famished just walking through the door I still had enough strength to order a energy revitalizing piece of cake. Unfortunately, before I had the chance to take a bite of it a dangerous, hairy, and extremely small ninja came out of nowhere and ordered me to hand it over in nindog. I acquiesced to its request but ever so reluctantly to show it that I only did so because my training is not that great.

Even as I was giving up and devising a way to get back to my land of ninja-less honey, I had realized that I was being tracked the entire time. Luckily, my brain reappeared (also a ninja) and my newly thunked plan to remove me from my quandary worked like a tchotchke. Seeing as how I’m typing this I’m safe and everything is back to … ninja ninja ninja.

For the first day I was looking to go to 高野山 (Koyasan) but since I’m retarded I ended up at 御所市 (Gose city) where they have a tiny replica of a mountain, Mt Katsuragi (葛城山), intended to be used by small burrowing animals. I was already in the area so I decided I might as well play with the replica.

It was pretty far from the town center to the ropeway (2km or so) and since there’s approximately 1 bus per hour I decided I might as well walk; this was probably a good idea since I don’t get an opportunity to walk to places very often (and it showed). I took the ropeway up but I was scared the whole time, you never know when a fight will break out in those things.

There were some nice things at the top, but sadly I was a little too early for the majestic lustflower.

I found out that the residents of Gose are evil individuals that want to, and I quote, “Increase the suffering of all asses manyfold. For only then can the great reckoning come.” I think if it was up to them there wouldn’t be any seats on busses or trains.

Can you think of anything more evil than stealing benches? I can’t.

Actually, maybe I can think of something, not allowing people to kill non-human mammal they see is a crime in a league by itself. The horrors (like this) that have been wreaked on peoples by an uncaring government is almost too much to bear.

After spending some time looking at nothing much I made my way down the mountain just in thyme to take some pictures of ninjas fighting on top of a ropeway car. Alas, since they are ninjas they don’t show up in photographs due to their incredible speed. Let me say that it was a fierce battle with much guitar wailing.

Clothes with something in English written on them are still pretty popular here. The sentences might make more sense than what they would have even just 5 years ago, especially since there are import shops that sell shirts that were originally made for an English speaking country. So while the words/sentences themselves might not be incorrect the situation in which the shirt is worn or, in this case, the contrast with the person who is wearing the shirt causes you to laugh.

For this one it was partly because of the name (it’s an area near where I grew up) coupled with the kid, he’s a boy. So, yeah, who would’ve expected that I, being in Japan, would see a coat from a region where I grew up on a young Japanese boy? The chances of that are so low that it must have not happened.

He’s hiding somewhere under that huge coat.