Prison. When John Milton wrote Paradise Lost he wasn’t talking about a literal heaven, but, in actuality, Japanese prisons. Japanese prisons are not filled with danger, but sunshine and farts. They’ve read and learned from previous commentators (You can judge a society by its prisoners) and studies and have set up a prison system that is considered the best in the world. Ha. If only that were true. Japan must be taking notes from the wonderfully run American system that helps train criminals at their craft when they incarcerate them. If only someone would have thought of treating prisoners humanely so that they could at least try to have a chance to reintegrate into normal society.

You are going to be someone’s bitch… in Shogi.

Anyway, these heavens on earth are having to deal with an older prison population and what that means. I’m not exactly sure what they do for older people in Japanese prison (I only look elderly), but it probably involves lots of complaining and yearning for the prison days when they used real shivs, not these plastic crap ones made in China. I have to wonder if prisoners still do the same things they did at 30 that they do when they’re 60. It would make a good TV show. It’s not like there’s anything else on.

Homelessness. It’s always great to meet the winners of the “Win a life on the street” game, such great luck they have. The thing is, the reason why they’re out on the street is not always what you’d expect. Usually people think it’s drugs or mental illness. However, given the ageism of Japan, sometimes a loner needs to find a job and no one will hire then because of their age. What are they supposed to do? Apparently the answer is, if you live alone, to accept your fate and go live in a box on the street. Such a glorious life, no?

Who really knows if Japan is actually going to anything about (sometimes) treating old people like crap or if old people will ever stop complaining and giving people mean stares (probably never). The main point of the past couple days is this, being in Japan when you’re old can be a bitch. For those reading, check the weather reports to make sure there are not time anomalies and when in Japan, be on the lookout for anyone carrying handheld time distortion devices.

Now, I’m not condemning all of them, but the generation’s activities as a collective has created many problems; these problems are probably greater than the problems that they have solved. They’re causing problems in Japan as well, but the problems they are creating here are completely and in no way whatsoever related to what I was talking about earlier.

Anyways, Japan is getting ready to fly the kite, of old age (dun dun DUN). Where do I get kite from? The population/age graph of Japan has gone from a pyramid shape to looking more like a kite. Unfortunately this kite cannot get off the ground since there is a lack of wind to get it airborne. There is an abundance of gruffled, but quiet, complaints as well as entitlement (17:19). Unfortunately, although entitlement seems to come with age it doesn’t bring with it a breeze to lift this kite (it does bring incontinence).

Japan’s fine females are not doing their job of being barefoot and pregnant (unlike France) which will lead to a lack of working age people at the current rate, maybe even as high as 1 retired person for every 2 workers. The government, being slow and all Japanese government like, hasn’t really done much of anything to fix the problem. Old people, however, are doing their part by trying to shame younger people by giving those without 5 children nasty looks.

The best and easiest solution has either not occurred to them or they are too afraid to try it, changing their immigration policy. They’re still hung up on maintaining racial purity so much that it seems they’ll try anything before letting anyone emigrate to Japan and become a citizen. There’s even been talk of using robots.

Once we hit the singularity you’re toast gramps.

The robot revolution starts in Japan. I hope it will be a long time before robots learn how to make themselves waterproof.