Today we’re learning 電話 (でんわ, Phone [lit: electric conversation]), 携帯 (けいたい, mobile, cell phone), 電話番号 (でんわばんごう, phone number), 電話をする（でんわをする, to call), and 電話をかける (でんわをかける, to call). 携帯 is used to mean a cell phone but can also be used as a verb when talking about something you can carry around – i.e. something mobile. Also, both calls (でんわをかける／する) are the same.

電話番号を教えないとお前の子供を誘拐して戻さないぞ。
でんわばんごうをおしえないとおまえのこどもをゆうかいしてもどさないぞ。
If you don’t give me your phone number I’m going to kidnap your son and never give him back!

昨夜、くそガキからイタズラ電話がかけてきた。今日、そいつらの家で火事が起こった。むふふふ〜。
ゆうべ、くそガキからいたずらでんわがかけてきた。きょう、そいつらのいえでかじがおこった。むふふふ〜。
Last night some brats prank called me. A fire broke out at their house today. Ahahaha.

日本製の携帯を持ってればダーブルコンパイルできる。
にほんせいのけいたいをもってればダーブルコンパイルできる。
If you have a Japanese mobile you can double compile.

Do you hear that? That’s the cry of a wild cell phone. Go catch it.

So part one was about how the cell phone plans differ. One the whole Japan seems to have a better system than some Western countries since you can save bucket loads of money if you keep the same phone for more than two years (or for one year for those who are on a shorter plan). However, talking about cell phone plans is probably boring unless if you’re an accountant or maybe a real hardcore price comparer(erer). For everyone else, that last one might have been slightly boring; we’re moving on so you have no need to worry about that. Wake up and grab your big foamy hand, it’s time to talk about hardware.

Oh… you’re so big, and pink, and … sparkly.

This article on Japanese cell phones from the dead baby loving communists gives some good insight on the evolution of phones over here, but I’m still going to give you a general overview. Remember back in the day when cell phones were huge? Remember the colossal car phone in the movie “The Chase“? Of course phones were big everywhere back then. Cell phones were generally big boring monochrome (like real life in the 50′s) tools until the beginning of the millenium when scientists decided to make mobile phones cool. This was pretty much how things were in many countries; and, yes, Japan is included. There were some small differences, which band was used (e.g. CDMA in the US, PHS in Japan, and 2G/3G in Europe), but for the most part the differences were minor.

Starting from the time when 24 was cool, many western companies began making phones smaller and sleeker (the RAZR being the prime example). Although much culture is exported from the West to be imported to the East, cell phones usually aren’t included in the list of goods. WIth that, Japanese and Korean companies did different things that fit their market better: an excellent predictive text system, Internet capability, a faster network, barcode scanning, big cameras, etc. The list of features started to grow quite long and this prevented Asian manufacturers from making their phones as small as phones like those in the West. Everyone seemed to be contented with the size and very happy with the new features so no one seemed to care. This commercial/cultural separation led to a growing divide, not in technology, but in preferences and available choices.

I can’t wait for someone to steal my money without the exquisite touch of human contact!

This phone is a good example of how things are different; it has a TV tuner, a huge camera, and a rotating LCD screen. All three of these features are rare/unpopular in more Western countries, but very popular here. Another good example is this one by AU. A recent and very popular new feature, おサイフケイタイ（phone wallet), is paying for things with your phone. On many new models people can use their phones to buy things from convenience stores and vending machines; this feature also lets the phone double as a train pass (take a look at these videos to see how it works).

And although these features (or at least some of them) are valuable to people in Asia, they hold little to no value in many western countries; there are not advertisements that also include a phone-readable barcode, the payment systems aren’t set up in Europe or the Americas, and no good place to watch TV in the States or Canada. This is a time when having many features actually causes a problem, even though all of the features work fine and have a useful function. The decision of whether or not a Western style phone is better than an Eastern style phone, while still dependent on the preferences of the person in question, is very reliant on the environment that the phone is in. Even if you could use a Japanese phone in the States you probably wouldn’t have a big reason to buy one and ship it from overseas, there’s no killer app that Westernized phones don’t have that an Asian phone would have.

Are Japanese phones superiour to phones from other countries? In a way, yes, but not really. It all depends on where you are.

Before you go (and even though you might not understand), watch this. It will enlighten you about … something.

Sometimes something simple surprises sensibilities. Cellular phones can be deceptively different is may ways. The majority of people stay put (to some degree or another) in one area so the chances of knowing how cell phones (or the contract you would enter) differ. You might not think that cell phones would be so varied as to warrant a poorly written article, but since you are Rear Admiral Wrongy Wrongerson I must show you the error of your ways.

I don’t want to my time discussing differences that everyone (should) know: North Americans talk more since texting is insanely expensive, everyone else texts more since calling is costly, etc etc. Since Japan is included in not North America people don’t call their friends that often, they text. There is no factor in the Japanese phone system that changes this oft stated, and quite correct, assertion. Given the well-known nature of this, I’m not going to spend anymore time talking about it.

I feel sorry for all those dumb bastards not in Freedom land who don’t have companies competing for our hard-earned dollars.

When buying a cellphone in a country such as the great US of A, your phone is usually either free or greatly discounted. This is made possible by making everyone pay more for minutes and text messages; i.e. gouging everyone. Now if you made the awesome and #1 conclusion that this is how everyone else does things, here’s a hat for you. Here in the country of giant-balled racoons we do things a little differently; the big three cell phone companies in Japan (DoCoMo, SoftBank, and AU) don’t usually subsidize their phone in anyway (the iPhone is a current exception to this rule). What they do is charge you a fee every month so that after 24 months of paying this fee you have a phone that is yours; if you decide to continue the contract without getting a new phone then your phone bill drops to just the services that you use. For the budget conscious, this way of doing things is vastly superiour to the American system, you can save money at first by buying a cheaper phone and then you can save even more money if you don’t get a super awesome phone that will give you hugs.

The above picture of an AU phone gives you an example of this. The amounts in the bottom right of the orange ringed box (top of the picture) show you how much you’d pay each month for either a 24 month contract or a 12 month contract, 2,055 and 4,110 yen respectively. The red number above those monthly figures is the retail price of the phone (49,320円 in this case) and the big red numbers are how much you have to pay upfront. These numbers vary depending on the phone you’re looking at, but unless if you’re here and you’re looking to buy a prepaid phone you’re going to see these numbers pop up again and again. And remember that none of these amounts are taking into consideration the price of the plan.

This way of paying for cell phones, albeit quite different than what many might be used to, is a good system. It doesn’t adversely affect the penny pinchers while still having monthly bills that would be competitive in many different markets.

Begin quivering in expectation for part 2 where Nancy Drew finds Mrs. Nickersons’s secret passage and gets caught in a stick situation.