Chase the Gaijin » Christmas http://www.chasethegaijin.com/blog Wed, 29 Jun 2011 14:05:29 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.2.1 Would you prefer your persecution tender or extra christpy? http://www.chasethegaijin.com/blog/2008/would-you-prefer-your-persecution-tender-or-extra-christpy/ http://www.chasethegaijin.com/blog/2008/would-you-prefer-your-persecution-tender-or-extra-christpy/#comments Mon, 07 Jan 2008 15:54:36 +0000 Chase The Gaijin http://www.chasethegaijin.com/blog/?p=244 KFC is the antichrist. I mean it. KFC is going to rule the world under one government and trick everyone into believing that Jesus is real (side note: if the rapture did happen, would anyone really NOT believe? this is why the book of Revelation is blindingly retarded). I say this because they have started their plan here in Japan. It starts by the importation of Christmas. After that, KFC convinces the populace that you must, MUST!, eat chicken during the Christmas holiday. You hear that Americans eat turkey? “Lies!” says KFC, “Just propaganda from Aum Shinrikyo.” (Did you think I was going to say communism? Ha! Communism is just a red herring.)

I wanted Mashed Potatoes!
KFCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC!

So now we have everyone in Japan believing not just that you must eat chicken, but it has to be a bucket of chicken, preferably from a white plantation owner who likes his wings extra crispy (but passes on the orange soda and watermelon). Everything is all falling into place. Now you can find buckets of chicken everywhere in Japan when it’s feeling quite solsticy (or is it solsticey?) outside. If we’re not careful, there will be the clone of Colonel Sanders ruling with the help of UN MAN. It chills me to the core. We must save ourselves from this unfortunate, but quite tasty, fate.

]]> http://www.chasethegaijin.com/blog/2008/would-you-prefer-your-persecution-tender-or-extra-christpy/feed/ 0 I wanted Mashed Potatoes! People have no idea what is important in this world anymore. We need to get back to the basics: stop the zombie revolution and kill Jesus Christ, the zombie king http://www.chasethegaijin.com/blog/2007/people-have-no-idea-what-is-important-in-this-world-anymore-we-need-to-get-back-to-the-basics-stop-the-zombie-revolution-and-kill-jesus-christ-the-zombie-king/ http://www.chasethegaijin.com/blog/2007/people-have-no-idea-what-is-important-in-this-world-anymore-we-need-to-get-back-to-the-basics-stop-the-zombie-revolution-and-kill-jesus-christ-the-zombie-king/#comments Wed, 26 Dec 2007 15:31:08 +0000 Chase The Gaijin http://www.chasethegaijin.com/blog/?p=233 Here’s where I give you a fuckle of Japanese Christmas stuff. Whee Christmas. Go capitalism.

First order of business. Christmas cake! Is this a tradition with anyone? It’s not just in Japan, but I never really experienced it for myself in America. Maybe it’s because my family hates my happiness (lie). Maybe it’s because although I grew up near fields, I was never near a field of cakes (those fields are in Candyland).

So what is Christmas cake? Retard zombies could guess and be at least half correct. It’s cake! With strawberries. THAT’S IT. They don’t infuse it with giant robots or anything to make your eyes bigger than your gall bladder… unfortunately. Yeah, so it’s nothing special. That’s too bad.

It’s filled with rages
This cake destroys your taste buds with happiness

Second item of the day. Pre Christmas celebrations. This really isn’t that much different from what any of you are used to. You might see lights or hear Christmas songs. It’s pretty much the exact same capitalistic orgy that can be found in any country that celebrates Christmas nowadays. However things get different when you get to Christmas Eve.

Third thing that I will exclaim. Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. Christmas eve is a time for couples. It’s supposed to be romantic or something. They eat dinner and sex and maybe something else. Cute.

And then Christmas comes. But it means nothing here. Christmas day is just another day. No exchanging presents, no day off work, you can go out and do whatever, no tradition (yet). Some people might exchange gifts, but if they do it’s probably because of some sneaky foreigner trying to subvert Japan (the revolution will come rapped in a bow).

Christmas in Japan is some odd makeshift version that combines the slutty legs of Paris Hilton (capitalism) and the wonderfulness of Charlotte Church (Christmas Cake and…. more cake). There’s not much decorating and trees really only go up in malls or other public areas.

My fingers are growing
You get free clones when you come to Japan. This is my clone.

Christmas might become popular in the future, but for now it’s just for romance and a way for store to try to make some more money.

]]> http://www.chasethegaijin.com/blog/2007/people-have-no-idea-what-is-important-in-this-world-anymore-we-need-to-get-back-to-the-basics-stop-the-zombie-revolution-and-kill-jesus-christ-the-zombie-king/feed/ 0 It’s filled with rages My fingers are growing