Mochi is stick rice with an attitude so bad people feel the need to take up arms and beat it into a squishy, but tasty, pulp. After making it soft with a mallet of compliance, you grab your favorite Japanese topping (fish eyes for me), sprinkle some of it on and enjoy. If you’re eating mochi and there’s something else on/near it it’s probably one of Japan’s top 3 mochi toppings: anko (あんこ, red bean paste), kinako (きな粉, soybean flour), or oroshi (おろし, grated Japanese radish). If you don’t happen to find any of these as appealing toppings then you can use your blonde-haired western innovation and create new toppings. For a start, try honey or maple syrup.

This wailing on cantankerous rice usually occurs in December for one big reason, New Years. You might be surprised by this, but (contrary to what some people might think) Japan celebrates the beginning of a new year on January 1 and not how they do it in China; funny, no?

I lost the shell but I still have the leathery skin!

One of the main reasons they make and eat mochi at this time is to kill off a bunch of the older people in Japan, similar to Logan’s Run. They give them these tasty semi-small rice traps with the intent to kill and sometimes it works. However, you’re probably remembering that Japan has the highest average life-span (even though they have evil socialist trotskyite medicine) and now you’re trying to say that I’m wrong. No. The Japanese elderly are a crafty bunch; their doctor might say they’re going to give them a state of the art hip and actually give them 700g of gumption instead (it’s much cheaper) and yet those old people just won’t die.

Don’t go thinking that just because the younger generation is attempting to kill the oldies that there is a lot of animosity towards the youngies; they actually manage to have lots of fun while (most of the time) escaping from the clutches of squishy death. It’s all part of the circle of life and those old people know it.

You’re next, old man.

So what should you take away from this? Enjoy mochi, either the Japanese way or your own, and don’t grow old, ever. EVER.

There’s a vending machine for every niche.

If you have a better name suggestion then tell me.

I was doing so well for the longest time and then it all came apart. I have two things that I can blame so that it doesn’t feel like my fault: Dreamhost and Smash Brothers. The Dreamhost problem made me miss my weekly update and got be off track. A little bit after that was the release date of Smash Brothers. Just like a crack addict needs his fix (or like a bulimic needs a gag reflex) I needed to play incessantly. Well, as you can see, I don’t need to play it quite that much, partly because I don’t have a wireless connection in my apartment and have no ability to play other people online.

So, anyway, I decided to not be scared of them anymore and try onigiri (おにぎり). I thought something bad might happen if I eat it and I don’t have any “Protection against onigiri-related injuries” insurance being unemployed and all. Unfortunately, something bad did happen, but I’m OK now (and I got a good DIY lesson in reconstructive surgery).

It’s not seaweed, it’s a piece of Cthulhu’s skin.

Sea chicken, the missing link between land and sea animals.

Onigiri can be found almost anywhere in Japan. The two pictures are of Tuna and green onions (ねぎとろ) and tuna with mayo (it says sea chicken mayonnaise). I bought these two from the convenience store near my house (actually there are 3 within a couple minutes of walking). There are more flavors than just these two, but you’ll have to find out which ones they are by yourself.

Everything tastes better when covered in seaweed.

Onigiri are nice little snacks, but when trying your first one opening it can be a pain. There are three things you need to do. First, you grab the tab and the top and pull all the way around the onigiri, then you just pull the two sides off. It seems easy when I’m telling you it, but it’s also easy to get wrong. I messed up the first time, but it’s not my fault since I’m perfect. The reason the packaging is a little more complicated than other snacks is because the seaweed is separated from the onigiri itself (for freshness?). How about the taste?

Snow white, just likes Our Lord.

They taste pretty good, I think. However, the seaweed can sometimes be a problem. It’s quite dry and crispy; because of this, it can sometimes stick and be quite hard to remove (much like the small bones found in squirrels and babies). Besides that, there really isn’t much of a problem. Maybe when I come back we can make some by ourselves and then laugh at how shitty they look?